A Temporary Lapse of Reason

Stumbled this morning on these extracts from some IB reports and some conversations (in italics) & notes (in blockquotes) from the secret diary of a political leader (shall remain nameless)…and *no*, this is not meant to be funny.

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IB Reports (sometime, Dec 2010): “Corruption” threatening to become a big issue; Public perceives government as weak, indecisive and thoroughly compromised; Party’s credibility at an all-time low. Baba Ramdev’s rallies are drawing large crowds – even in non-Hindi speaking states. “Anti-corruption” sentiment catching steam…

This Baba..does he travel with a translator? Are the speeches dubbed? I mean, do they really understand Hindi in Nagaland?

Something needs to be done…not looking good

IB Reports (sometime, Jan 2011): Anti-corruption movement clouding every government initiative. A group called India Against Corruption has launched website on Lokpal.

Website? Seriously? And what is this Baba doing on this site?! And this guy with the double Sri? with Madani? Is this a joke? Can’t allow “saffronization” of this movement. Dangerous for party, for government and for Yuvraaj’s future..

Note to myself: Emergency meeting tomorrow.

…No; Mid-term elections are not an option…wait and watch? You cannot be serious! This is not some fire-works display that you “wait and watch” yes, yes, I know its called Diwali..

Really, how did these guys end up here? Note to myself: Screen attendees more rigourously

IB Reports (sometime, Feb 2011): Last month’s rally in Delhi drew a large crowd; “Anti-corruption” sentiment is becoming stronger by the day…and getting headlines (on sympathetic channels too). “Internet” making it worse. Young people sending messages across to strangers to join the “movement”; A certain person who calls himself Gandhian threatning to go on fast; Situation may spiral out of control.

Enough! We’ve to do something…Get me that NAC “diary”. Call X and Y immediately; I want to see them NOW! What are they doing? And what happened to that Siberia control law? Yes, Cyber control law, that’s what I just said…Can you not use it to stop these messages? How can strangers send messages to each other? Its illegal…and its harassment!

IB Reports (1st week of April 2011): Fast has started and has drawn a motley crowd in New Delhi. Copycat fasts are being held in other cities too. We are on alert. No “foreign hand” in evidence yet. Sympathetic statement from government may help the situation.

What? NAC’s statement did not have any impact? Call PMO…I mean NOW. Ask them to take a break from Pakistan. We have a problem HERE! And where is Swami WrongFirebrand? Never around when you need him most… OK, that’s good! Ask him to join this fast where-ever it is…And make sure you tell Ms NewsBreaker about this. This needs to go on prime-time.

IB Reports (2nd week of April 2011): Injection of sympathetic “interlocutors” appears to be working; Team leading fast is warming up to a compromise solution; Senior Minister needs to be careful with his remarks

Top Tasks for Today: Make appropriate noises about the fast; Appear pained; Send letter expressing sympathy; Consider symbolic support by fasting for a day.

What? This will look cynical? OK, drop the idea…but no grand feasts until this drama is going on. And ask Yuvraaj to make a statement supporting corruption; yes, yes..that’s what I mean: supporting fight against corruption…

IB Reports (2nd week of April 2011): Negotiators’ stance appears to be hardening; Our “interlocutors” appear to be getting in control of the movement.

OK, tell Senior Minister we will do the good-cop, bad-cop routine. What do you mean who is the good cop? This thing has got to end before this match…What? Its not one match? OK, more the reason to make sure it is called off before the matches begin…that will be enough time for everyone to forget.

IB Reports (2nd week of April 2011): Settlement appears imminent; Last minute negotiations on.

Call Other Senior Minister; Remind him not to panic..this still has to to go through Parliament, no? Check! Can PMO issue ordinance? No, not a good idea; I don’t trust PMO anymore…And need to make sure we get the credit for passing this.

…Where is Mr ExKingNowPolitician? Ask him to get some media-folks around tomorrow…There must be some dirt on these people, no? Now, where did I keep those IB reports?

What? People are getting angry with Mr ExKingNowPolitician’s statements? But he is only speaking the truth! OK, OK..ask him to stay quiet for a few days…no press conferences; NO – No off-the-record briefings either..cant trust anyone these days.

IB reports (2nd week of April 2011): Jubiliation amongst people; Movement has potential to boost government’s credibility – and Yuvraaj’s chances in 2014.

Good…Finally we can get back to some real work!

Note to myself: Make sure bill is not retrospective; They cannot keep re-opening Bofors

Who? Mr Q? What does he want now? No, no…tell him its OK. No, no its fine…No one is coming after him.

What? the guy is “re-starting” the movement?! What does he want now? OK, where are we on that Games report? you know, the one with some serious irregularities? Yes, that’s the one! Call Mr CoolInAdversity. Tell him that we will be making this public tomorrow…Yes, yes, tell him not to panic..OK?

IB Reports: Masses elated at success of LokPal Bill campaign and the fasting. Latest news of arrest of Mr CoolinAdversity received very positively. Mr WannaBeKingmaker’s channel hosting prime-time discussion on Government getting serious about tackling corruption.

What? What does this Baba want now? Was he not with this IAC-whatever fast? Then why is he planning another one in June?…Call CBI. Has this guy been raided before? What? He has no belongings? OK, what about his associates? Does he not own an island in Scotland? Good…Call Scotland Yard…NOW!

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